I've more or less finished organizing my notes for my next
book. This one will be about the experience of going off the derech from the point of view of the
formerly frum. While there are
several books about the experience of the frum
family and friends of those who have gone off the derech , and several books focusing on anecdotes from those who
have gone off to derech, to the best
of my knowledge, there are none like this one: a book that explores the
aggregate experience of losing one's belief in frumkeit.
One of the main purposes of this book is the counter the insulting stereotypes held in the frum world of those who “question” and/or go OTD. While this book will not address specific arguments for or against Orthodoxy or religion in general, it will address the insulting and/or guilt driven “arguments” and accusations leveled at those who challenge Orthodoxy’s tenets. Most prominent among these is the taivos canard, the charge the people fool themselves into thinking that they don't believe in frumkeit in order to excuse their throwing off the ol hatorah and wallowing in their taivos.
This book will show that those who leave frumkeit can be and are reasonable, rational
people who have come to reasonable, rational conclusions, and that they're
leaving is the consequence of those conclusions.
The following is a short chapter-by-chapter summary of the book as I have it planned out. I would appreciate any feedback, especially if you notice something I've forgotten to include.
Working title:
Reasonable Doubts:
Going Off The Derech
The Off-Road View
(It's a bit clunky, and I'm open to suggestions.)
Introduction
A little bit about me; why I'm writing this book; introduces
the concept of skepticism.
Chapter 1: Reasonable
Doubts
Defines off the derech; explores the common perception in
the frum world that people who question / go OTD are broken; explains that Judaism
is not obviously correct, disagreeing with its tenets can be a reasonable
position to take, and people really do sincerely disagree with them; makes the
point the being frum is reasonable, and there are many good reasons why someone
might be frum, but the obvious truth of Orthodox Judaism is not one of them.
Chapter 2: The Taivos
Canard
The taivos canard = the assertion the people only go off the
derech because they're hedonistic cretins looking for excuses to throw off the
ol hatorah and wallow in their taivos.
Defines the canard and provides some examples of it in use;
explorers variations of the canard; addresses the cliché that, “you can be a
slave to God or to your taivos”; looks at the direction of causality: do people
disbelieve because they want to do aveiros, or do they do aveiros because once
they disbelieve there's no reason not to; and cites cases of people who
continue to observe mitzvos for some time after ceasing to believe in the Torah
just in case their doubts were the yetser hara trying to fool them.
Chapter 3: Nogeia B'dovor
Explores the faulty logic, including the Fundamental
Attribution Error and Bulverism, that causes people to dismiss questions and
issues raised by OTDers as, “tierutzim, not kashas.” Looks at the process of
coming to reasoned conclusions and what role, if any, the motivations of the
person presenting the argument have evaluating soundness of an argument.
Chapter 4: Who Are
You To Question?!
You're an ignoramus! (I posted part of this in the past)
Explorers the argument from the gedolim: Gadol x surely
thought of your questions and he believed! Do you think you're smarter than
gadol x?!
Discusses the extent and type of knowledge one needs to have
in order to reasonably come to a conclusion about a subject.
Chapter 5: Losing
Faith
Descriptions of various experiences on the journey to
disbelief drawing on various people’s personal accounts; what it's like to
realize that once deeply held beliefs now appear untenable; the pain that often
accompanies the experience - in contrast to the popular perception of someone
flippantly throwing off the ol hatorah; and how there is usually a
fundamental shift in the way one perceives frumkeit.
Chapter 6: To Leave
Or Not To Leave
Describes various experiences of leaving the frum community
drawing on various people’s personal accounts; explores the factors that result
in people leaving or staying in the community; the failure of one-size-fits-all Judaism;
other ways to be Jewish and Orthodoxy's perception of itself as the default; LGBTQ
issues; Modernity and religion as a choice: far from being a sign of being
broken, in modernity, leaving frumkeit has been the norm.
Chapter 7: Emotion
Vs. Intellect
Explores the false dichotomy between “emotional reasons” and
“intellectual reasons” for disbelief. Refutes the notion that only purely
dispassionate intellectualism can provide valid reasons to leave frumkeit, and
the corollary, that any hint of emotion on the part of the OTDer invalidates
any intellectual arguments he may cite. Cites the research on people's stated
reasons for disbelief, and debunks the overused rejoinder to intellectual
questions: fun ah kasha sharbt min nisht!
Chapter 8: Comfortable-dox
Explores the role of culture, community, and familiarity
people's day-to-day practice of Judaism as opposed to the influence of abstract
theology.
Chapter 9: Off-Roading
Explores the process and experience of leaving the frum community;
the stages that most people go through; life “in the closet”; the painfulness
and cost that often accompanies leaving - and the stress associated with any
major life change; and why many who leave have a continued interest in the frum world.
Chapter 10: Maintaining
Relationships
Discusses ways in which frum and OTD people can maintain
relationships; the importance of mutual respect despite profound disagreement;
genuine relationships versus relationships for the sake of kiruv; navigating
differing values and standards; and how couples in which one spouse is frum and
the other not might make it work.
Chapter 11: The Baby
And The Bathwater
Addresses this often heard cliché; looks at what exactly is
baby and what is bath water; and explores the subjective nature of that
evaluation.
Chapter 12: Pragmatic
Religion
Explores the utility of religion; the pros and cons of being
religious; whether the benefits of being religious are dependent upon holding
supernatural beliefs; and whether the positive benefits of being religious can
obligate one to be frum.
Chapter 13: Morality
Briefly look at the argument for morality: the argument that
without religion, anything goes; divine vs. natural basis for morality;
examines the charge that as religion declines, so does morality; and explorers whether the Torah is in fact moral
Chapter 14: "But
How Can You Not Be Frum?!"
Explorers subjective reasons that people feel necessitate
being frum, such as the meaningfulness that religion gives to life, the
importance of Jewish continuity, and the way in which many people seem to
relate to their frumkeit.
Chapter 15: Pascal's
Wager
Explores the argument that one should be frum just in case
it turns out that frumkeit is the truth.
Chapter 16: Jewish
Identity Beyond Orthodoxy
Discusses how being Orthodox is not necessary for a
meaningful Jewish identity.
Appendix
Resources for those going OTD / for those with OTD friends
and family
I'm always confused when people say its because of "taivos". Like what exactly do people want so much they're leaving their community and straining their relationship with religious relatives? Pork? Shrimp? Not having to pray with a minyan? Do they think people who go OTD are having tons of orgies or something?
ReplyDeleteIt's been over ten years, and I'm still waiting for my invitation to the OTD orgies.
DeleteTo paraphrase and completely misrepresent my 9th grade teacher Rebetzin Eidelman's quotation of Sarah Schenirer: They're orgies of the mind.
DeleteIn this context, taivos is almost always used as a euphemism for sex.
ReplyDeleteUnrelated.
ReplyDeleteI wish you'd take a look at an article published 3 days ago that goes to the very heart of the material you deal with in your latest book on the Kuzari Argument.
https://www.aish.com/jw/s/The-Jewish-Peoples-Blockchain-and-the-Accuracy-of-the-Torah.html
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DeleteThere is strong internal evidence that the whole Torah is most likely not from Mosaic period. So even if the Midrash story is true, the Torah put into the Ark is most likely not the same as Torah we have today.
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DeleteThe Kuzari argument is full of holes. I explore many of them at my blog. Start http://altercockerjewishatheist.blogspot.com/2013/07/kuzari-principle-or-argument-part-i_24.html BTW I am still waiting for a response from Rabbi Gottlieb regarding my critique of his Kuzari argument - specifically the Miracle of the Sun. I am pretty sure he is aware of my refute of his position bu he has not responded. Why is that ? see http://altercockerjewishatheist.blogspot.com/2019/03/kuzari-argument-part-22-or-miracle-of.html
DeleteAlter Cocker Jewish Atheist has left a new comment on the post "The Off-Road View":
DeletePer article "The blockchain has been a foundation of Judaism from the time of Moses. The Midrash teaches:
Once Moshe knew that he was going to die that day, what did he do? Rabbi Yannai says: He wrote thirteen Torah Scrolls – twelve for each of the twelve tribes, and one that he placed in the Ark. For if someone should come and attempt to forge something, they would find the original in the Ark (Midrash Rabba, Deuteronomy, 9:9)." What evidence is there that the Midrash story is true ? What if the Midrash story is just made up pious fraud or for some other reason ?
your presentation of RG etc onthese posts that you are linking are very jumbled, and it is not at all clear if these are snippets of various dialogues, since there is no continuity there
Deletenot surprising you are not allowing comments either.
@Ben Mikra - I suggest reading or at least skimming all my Kuzari posts in order I wrote them. There should be links between them. Then read RG's critique - I provide the link in one of my posts. Then come back and read my response to RG. I appreciated our prior discussion regarding Prophecy and if you desire clarification on any of my Kuzari posts - I think 2ndson will allow us to discuss here. Best Wishes.
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ReplyDeleteI think it is important not to view frum in Isolation, as if they are really really different than believers in other cults/religions. Much of frum rhetoric and apologetics is found in other religions. Much of the OTD exeprience is found when people go "OTD" from whatever cult/religion they have been born into or joined.
ReplyDeleteIn Chapter 6 you mention LGBT issues, but nowhere do you address gender in and of itself, ie the misogynistic nature of orthodoxy. As in, why would any female choose to be subjugated in the way that orthodoxy does, and the gaslighting involved in convincing women that they are not being subjugated. Not sure that chapter 6 is the right location, but if LGBT issues are being covered there, women’s issues might fit there nicely.
ReplyDeleteI plan to give women's role in OJ a full treatment in a later book. I think you're right, though, that I need to at least mention it here.
Delete" Chapter 4: Who Are You To Question?!"
ReplyDeleteThis is a problem not just for OTD, but for BT, and frum.it is also a form of brainwashing/ gaslighting that they use even in yeshivas or any contact with Rabbis who give "classes" or purprot to give answers to questions.
The variation is "who are you to think logically!" Any logical statement that questions the assumptions of beliefs of the rabbis is met with this kind of response.